tongue-tied and twisted

The number of times this week I’ve opened a Word document, started writing, and clicked X…

Don’t Save.

Some days the words don’t stop. They’re not always good words or funny words or sensical words, but I can usually get some semblance of an anecdote onto the page that gives me some sense of accomplishment. My writing is far from perfect, but I’m working on finding my voice and in the meantime, at the very least, I’m cataloguing some of my favourite recipes.

Last week I could barely find the energy to decide what to order in for dinner, nevermind write something coherent and mildly entertaining and possibly even fascinating. I left the office and sat on the manfriend’s lap while he finished working. He let me rest my head on his shoulder and command the keyboard while he controlled the mouse.

Then I felt better and made him beer pretzels, because he’s always complaining that I make too many sweets. The End.

(I told you my writing skills were lacking these days.)

Beer Pretzels (vegan option)

Adapted from the Food Network


one and a half cups warm (think baby bottle temperature) water
one tablespoon sugar
seven grams instant yeast
625 grams bread flour
60 grams melted butter (vegans: use Earth Balance)
ten cups water
two thirds cup baking soda
vegetable oil
one egg yolk mixed with a tablespoon of water (vegans: use almond milk)
flaked sea salt


In the base of a stand mixer fitted with a dough hook, combine the water, sugar and yeast. Let sit for about ten minutes, until foamy. In the meantime, weigh out the rest of your ingredients.
Add the flour and melted butter to the bowl. Mix on low speed until combined, and then knead on medium for another five or so minutes, until the dough has formed a ball and doesn’t stick to the sides of the bowl.
Pull out the dough, lightly oil the bowl, and put the dough back. Cover with saran wrap and let sit somewhere warm until doubled in size, about an hour.
Preheat the oven to 450 degrees Fahrenheit. In a large saucepan, bring the water and baking soda to a boil. Line a baking sheet (or two) with lightly oiled parchment paper.
Divide the dough into eight roughly equal pieces (or less if you want larger pretzels). Use your hands, forearms, elbows and the countertop to haphazardly swing and roll and poke the dough into a long rope. Make a pretzel shape, and place on the baking sheet.One at a time, boil the pretzels for thirty seconds. Remove them from the water with a large pancake-flipper-style spatula, and place them back on the baking sheet.
Brush each pretzel with yolk mixture (or almond milk) and sprinkle with salt. Bake for 10 to 12 minutes, or until they’re a dark golden brown.

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