’tis the season

Bikini season is coming.

Actually, it’s not. I live in Vancouver. Rainy season is coming. And it will be here for the next seven months, until everyone who lives here can’t remember what the sun looks like and we’re permanently pruney-fingered and frizzy-haired. (At least, I assume it’s coming. If this good-weather-business keeps up much longer I will be so thrown off I will likely be [even more] incoherent for another year.)

The point: bikini season is still an issue. For me. I am going to it. In Australia.

Usually October is my best diet month, because I am completely irrational. I’m not sure how my subconscious decides that now that I can cover up my body with sweaters and raincoats and scarves and mittens I can really commit to cutting down on the sugar eating. Oh, and now that it’s cold enough to warrant turning on the oven for some baking… nope. I was much more interested in sauna-izing the apartment all summer. My mind works in strange ways.

Only now it’s December. I did not have a good diet month this year. I made cookies and quickbreads and pies. They were delicious. They were not bikini-friendly.

I decided I should probably start to diet and promptly started craving cheeseburgers. Pickles. Bacon.

Oh my god, bacon.

And that weirdly delicious snack food that I’m almost embarrassed to admit I love: Smart Food. The weird chemical white cheddar powder gets disgustingly stuck to my fingers. There’s a party-size bag of it under my desk right now. I’m not having a party. Why would I buy a party-size bag of Smart Food and leave it under my desk when I’m supposed to be on a pre-bikini-season diet?

Aargh.

The northern hemisphere has it figured out. The Christmas baking season and the bikini season should be as far apart as possible.

All I want is to be eating gingerbread. Not good for bikini season.

I made this instead. Probably a lot better. There’s green in there. Some antioxidants. Protein.

Green Juice (vegan, paleo, gluten-free)

I realize I probably didn’t do a very good job of selling this with all that talk of bacon and cheeseburgers and processed snack food. You probably got to this point and were like what? I didn’t read all that to get a recipe for a salad in juice form. But it’s not a real salad. As in, no lettuce (kale is a member of the cabbage family). And it tastes good, I swear. And it’s easy to throw together, so it won’t take away too much time from all that Christmas baking I know you’re doing.

Ingredients

one large apple (I used honey crisp)
four leaves kale
about half an inch of ginger root
half a large English cucumber
one teaspoon spirulina (I only had tablets, but I have a monster blender – read: Vitamix – that can blend the crap out of absolutely anything. Powder is preferable though.)
one scoop preferred protein powder (optional, but I find it makes it smoother. I like Vega’s French Vanilla.)

Directions

Throw everything except the protein powder and spirulina in a juicer. Then pour the juice along with the protein powder and spirulina into a blender, and blend for about thirty seconds until the powders are all mixed in (it’ll take a bit longer if you’re using tablets like I did). Drink immediately.
Don’t have a juicer? Try adding some water and using a high-powered blender to mix everything at once. If you don’t have a high-powered blender (i.e. a Vitamix), you might want to leave out the ginger.

As mentioned above, I’m off to Australia for a few weeks. There may be some radio silence while I’m away. I promise I’ll be back soon. Shameless plug time? I think yes. Click the follow button at the top right. Then you’ll know when I’m back!

Have a wonderful Christmas, lovelies.

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