what I wish my CV really said

The other day I had to quickly update my résumé to apply for a Chinese visa. There’s not much on there since I’ve really only had one professional adult job (unless you count working at a gelato shop, which should totally count because it was a pretty solid base for my life). I’ve listed my email address, a few standard skills, brief job descriptions and some notes on the non-alcohol-related parts of my time at university. But there’s nothing particularly exciting; nothing that says anything about what it would be like to spend 40+ hours a week in close proximity to me.

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These days, in some industries, a lot of people way cooler than I are pushing the creative boundaries on their CVs (some of my favourites here and here). I’m not in a sector where I feel like it would be appropriate to do that, but design aside (unfortunately that’s just not my forté) here’s what I’d have on my résumé if I could:

Skills

Eating. I eat all day. I hope you like the smell of oranges. (But seriously, who doesn’t like the smell of oranges?)
Typing. Apparently I am an angry typer. But I’m fast.
Well prepared. Currently I have a jar of bubble solution, a USB key shaped like a gold bar, and 2 shot glasses on my desk. Also, star shaped stickers… to be used for everything.

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Job Experience

I have some. I tape notes from friends and strangers all over my desktop computer monitor. They’re a bit ridiculous. They make me smile. And there may or may not be about 10 pairs of shoes in my credenza. I may or may not change shoes about 4 times a day.

Vices

Mild kleptomaniac tendencies when it comes to pens. But only the good kind.
I have a tiny Asian bladder. I drink a lot of tea. Do I really need to elaborate?

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Extracurricular Interests

The circus. If I had wings, I would fly. I don’t, so I do aerial silks and trapeze instead.
Baking. I bake a lot. I like to share. Peanut butter cookie, anyone? Oh-I’m-so-hired.

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Peanut Butter Cookies (vegan)

Adapted from Crisco

Ingredients

three quarters cup smooth peanut butter (I find the cheap processed brands work best in cookies)
half cup vegetable shortening
one and a quarter cups brown sugar
three tablespoons almond milk
one teaspoon vanilla
one vegan egg replacer egg (I use Bob’s Red Mill)
one and three quarters cups flour
half teaspoon baking powder
half teaspoon baking soda
half teaspoon salt

Directions

Preheat oven to 375 degrees Fahrenheit. Line a cookie sheet with a Silpat or parchment paper and set aside.
Cream together peanut butter, shortening and sugar. Add in almond milk, vanilla and egg and mix until well blended.
Sift in dry ingredients and stir until combined.
Scoop spoonfuls of dough, roll into balls, and place onto the lined cookie sheet. Press balls flat with a fork.
Bake for 10-12 minutes (depending on the size of your cookies) or until they look like they’re just beginning to brown. I find peanut butter cookies to taste even better a day or two after they’re made.

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