this is why I don’t have children

Remember how I told you not too long ago that I was a bad mom?

I ruined my dog.


It started off innocently enough. Vancouver is (finally) getting warmer; I thought the dog could use a haircut. The manfriend shaves his head, so he’s something of an expert with an electric razor, and we own a set of pet grooming clippers. But the manfriend has been and is going to be more or less constantly out of town all spring and summer, so I figured I would give the dog a haircut myself.

I think we can all see where this is going.


I started with the attachment for long-ish hair, and added a little bit of oil to the blade. Ten minutes later, no hair had been removed from the dog, who was now rather oily. Fine. Figuring the blade may have been dull, I swapped it for the shorter hair blade. Russell, as one might expect, does not appreciate being clipped near his face or on his legs or by his tail. I went after these areas (logically, I thought) with scissors. I now have a dog with an almost-bald body, with variously-lengthed-long-haired legs and a giant head.

Perhaps I should have waited for the manfriend after all.


I then proceeded to make matters worse by bathing the miserable bushy-legged lion-dog, and giving him his present that I brought back from Hawaii.


Overweight or not, I think he earned these cookies.

Peanut Butter & Bacon Dog Cookies


one cup peanut butter
three quarters cup milk
one egg
two cups whole wheat bread flour (all-purpose would probably work fine; the only whole wheat flour I happened to have at home was bread)
one tablespoon baking powder
one third cup old fashioned oats
three strips of bacon


Fry bacon rashes and set aside for a few minutes so you don’t burn yourself. Cut or break into bacon bits.
Preheat oven to 350 degrees Fahrenheit and line a baking sheet with parchment paper.
Using a stand mixer fitted with the paddle attachment (or by hand, but peanut butter – especially if you’re using a natural one – can be pretty tough to stir), stir peanut butter, milk and egg until will mixed. Stir in flour and baking powder until it’s all combined – no need to worry about over-mixing. Fold in oats and bacon bits.
On a floured surface, roll out dough (I did this in two batches) to about a quarter inch thickness (half centimetre). Cut shapes using a cookie cutter and place treats on the baking sheet – they don’t spread much, but leave about half an inch between treats. Smush (that’s the technical term) together dough scraps and re-roll until you’ve used it all up. You know how it goes.
Bake for about 30 minutes, flipping treats over halfway through, or until they look dry. Let them cool before feeding to your dog.


Final thoughts: I think he has forgiven me.


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