In the first few seconds of the intro to Selena Gomez’s The Heart Wants What it Wants, she repeats “what the heart wants” a few times in this quiet electro auto-tune voice. It’s catchy. It’s cute. It’s horribly whiny.

And all I can hear her saying is “What the fuck, Juan?”

Which vastly improves it, if you ask me.


And then there’s Taylor Swift’s new song Blank Space. The first 10 times I listened to it, I heard:

Gotta love those Starbucks lovers
They’ll tell you I’m insane

I was really confused about what Starbucks lovers were. So confused that I Googled the lyrics in hopes of finding the meaning, which was when I discovered the real words.


She is actually singing:

Got a long list of ex-lovers
They’ll tell you I’m insane


Anyway, the takeaway from this little excerpt of my life is that I’m deaf, and I have terribly embarrassing taste in music.

On the bright side, Christmas cookies!


Vanilla Shortbread


one and a half cups butter
one cup berry sugar (also called caster sugar)
one teaspoon vanilla
seeds scraped from one vanilla bean
three and a half cups all-purpose flour
quarter teaspoon salt


Preheat the oven to 350 degrees Fahrenheit. Line a baking sheet or two with parchment paper and set aside.
In a stand mixer, cream the butter, sugar, and vanilla (extract and seeds) on medium until light and fluffy.
Sift in the flour and salt, and mix slowly until combined. You should be able to press together the cookie dough into a ball or block. Add a bit more flour and throw it in the fridge for a bit if it’s too sticky.
Roll out the dough to around a third of an inch thick, and cut out shapes using cookie cutters. Transfer to the baking sheet, re-roll scraps, and continue until the dough is gone.
Bake for about 18-20 minutes or until the edges are just starting to look golden. Cool to room temperature – I find shortbread tastes better the next day. These also freeze well, so you can make them well ahead of any Christmas festivities (if you don’t eat them all first).


2 thoughts on “misheard

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